It's the question on everyone's lips

If you are the sort of person that enjoys the British TV show Skins or the musical stylings of Britney Spears then you’ll be wanting to spend a bit of time at this here website. At least, that’s what my search engine traffic seems to suggest.

Well over 2,000 visitors have found themselves at this blog after typing the word ‘skins’ into their search engine of choice and well over a 1,000 more have stopped by after searching for ‘britney spears’.

In reality, if you were in search of meaningful material about either subject you would be sorely disappointed.

My only mention of E4’s Skins was a short review of the show, republished here after appearing as a Daily Proposition in Crikey’s Daily Mail. Similarly, my only substantial mention of Britney Spears was a less-than-flattering examination of her on-stage antics some years ago.

So why is this happening and why should you care?

In answer to the former, well, it’s just the way search engines work. To simplify the process somewhat, search engines trawl through websites like this, compile a list of keywords that are attached to pages and articles and then add this information to a whopping great big database. Then, when a user searches for their favourite pop star, the search engine checks to see which sites mention the entertainer in question and suggests those sites to the searcher.

For over 2,000 people that searched for Skins and over 1,000 that searched for Britney Spears, this site would have been listed as a potentially relevant source of information.

Google’s folly aside, why should you care?

Well, let’s just say that search engine traffic can be a pretty hilarious beast.

As well as attracting readers who happen to be searching for a pop star or TV show I’ve mentioned at one point or another, there are some, shall we say, more unexpected search results driving traffic toward A Cursory Glance…

The phrase ‘hermaphrodite images genitalia’ is not one that I tend to make frequent use of in casual conversation and it’s certainly not one that I remember publishing. But while this particular phrase never appeared on the site in its entirety, it’s certainly true that I’ve used all three of those words before, albeit in completely different contexts.

It would seem that the unrelated use of the words ‘hermaphrodite’, ‘images’ and ‘genitalia’ were enough to drive at least one curious reader to this site. One can only assume they would have been rather disappointed.

In a similar vein, the search term ‘stephanie bendixsen lesbian’ has driven a number of ambitious readers this way and, as with the previous example, I suspect the result would have been rather underwhelming. I’ve certainly mentioned Good Game‘s Hex before and the word ‘lesbian’ has also been used but the combination of both is not something I’ve ever had reason to publish.

But perhaps the most entertaining search term to have deposited someone on my digital doorstep was: ‘Is Karl Stefanovic circumcised?’

The thing I like most about this particular search is that it’s clear someone actually wants to know whether or not Karl Stefanovic is circumcised. If the search had been ‘karl stefanovic circumcised’ you could argue they were searching for a video of Mr Stefanovic talking about circumcision, or something similar, but the way the search term is phrased – as a simple yes/no question – seems to leave little doubt.

For those that aren’t familiar with Channel Nine’s International Man of Misery©, Mr Stefanovic is the network’s go-to guy when it comes to on-the-ground ‘reporting’ of natural disasters. As Perth Now points out, Mr Stefanovic seems to have an unhealthy penchant for lobbing into disaster zones: he was there when Cyclone Yasi was wreaking havoc up north, he was on the ground when Christchurch was being torn apart, and he was doing his thing over in Japan after the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear-threat triple-header.

Again, there is a clear reason why a search term like ‘Is Karl Stefanovic circumcised’ takes readers to my blog. In one particular post I happened to mention Mr Stefanovic in passing and in a separate article I argued that women should probably avoid asking their male partners to get circumcised. The combination of these two articles (and their relevant keywords) provided a curious reader with a brief moment of hope.

Honestly though, did this curious individual actually expect to find an answer to their question? Were they hoping to stumble upon something like www.cgradecelebritycircumcisions.com? Or perhaps they were hoping for www.foreskinfinder.com.au?

In any event, it’s good to know that readers can find my site with a simple Google search. Now all I need to do is start saying something worth reading about…

Catching the train home from work at around 11pm is always an experience. If it isn’t boozed up teens sharing stories of their sexual conquests it’s drug fuelled maniacs trying to start fights with ticket inspectors. Tonight was a little less extreme, but no less fascinating.

As I boarded the 10:41pm Hurstbridge train I became aware of a younger gentleman sitting a couple of metres away from me. As we started our slow journey into the ‘burbs this gentleman started making eye contact with people as they boarded the train. After a few stations he struck up conversation with one particularly attractive young female who happened to be fiddling with her mobile phone; “How much do you pay for that per month?”

A rather unusual choice of pick-up line, I thought to myself, as I waited to see how quickly she could deflect his advances. To her credit though, she played along, answering his questions generously for a few moments before deciding it necessary to make a phone call.

After the lady had left the train, receiving a friendly smile and a wave in the process, the charismatic gentleman set about searching for another person to befriend. Turning to a female backpacker who had sat beside him he indicated to her large pack and asked “Have you got a dead body in there?”

Whether or not this woman didn’t speak English, didn’t understand the joke or just didn’t want to talk to strange men late at night on public transport, I don’t know. Either way she uttered some non-commital response before turning to face the other way.

As the backpacker left the train and Mr. Charisma began to scan the carriage again, I thought I had it figured it out – he was just some lonely dude trying to make the most of a boring train ride home by chatting up attractive girls, albeit unsuccessfully.

As we pulled out of one of the many stations between the city and home Mr. Charisma turned to a rather portly gentleman and, pointing to his dreadlocks asked; “How long did they take to grow?”

Well there goes the attractive girls idea. But then again, maybe he was just a lonely dude who felt the need for some human contact on his way home. Following discussions about the demise of the Glaswegian shipping industry and the merits of international postage insurance the topic of conversation turned to familiar territory – “Are you on pre-paid?”

That’s when it clicked. The lonely gentleman in the corner wasn’t lonely at all – he was a phone salesman looking to makes some commission in his downtime. Sure enough, when Mr. Dreadlocks asked what his inquisitor did for a job;

“I’m a door-to-door salesman, I sell mobile phone contracts for Optus. I’m not getting enough sales during the day so I thought I’d get on the trains and try to sell some phones that way.”

It made sense. I mean, why else would someone ask a complete stranger how long they had left on their phone contract, out of the blue? It also explained the sales and marketing book that he was reading while he wasn’t busy accosting tired commuters.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t really care that he was trying to sell his wares at 11:30pm to people who just wanted to get home. After all, it’s easy enough to say “no thanks, I’m not interested”. However, one of his final comments to Mr. Dreadlocks got me thinking. Namely, “you can never have enough iPhones can you?”

Now I must confess a certain desire to join the iPhone flock but the last couple days have had me questioning the merits of such desires.

In an attempt to escape the hustle and bustle of our busy lives, the lady-friend and I headed up to her family’s property in Tolmie, a town 30 kilometres north-east of Mansfield. The property is home to a converted machinery shed that is effectively a house without many of the modern conveniences – electricity, running water and mobile phone coverage, to name but a few.

Sitting down on one of the couches that adorn the shed I faced a crisis of sorts. What is there to do when there is no electricity?

When your whole life is dependant on the constant use of electricity, taking it away does funny things to you. Take this blog entry for example. It’s 3:00am, pitch dark outside and without electricity I would be relying on candles to create enough light in order to write these thoughts on a piece of paper. I take it for granted that I can sit here on my couch as late as I like and that the lights, my laptop and the internet will be at my fingertips as long as I need them.

It all sounds a little dumb – of course we need electricity to power our 21st century lifestyles – but a weekend of tank water, longdrops, citronella coils and no Facebook was enough to give me a bit of a wake-up call.

Having said that, the feeling of being completely disconnected from the outside world is an extremely liberating one. I was able to break out of my busy routine and just sit back, smell the fresh country air and appreciate the simpler things in life. Like the fact that daylight is fairly important when you don’t have electric lights all through your house. I was certainly less inclined to wake at noon than I am when I’m at home, that’s for sure.

So, what does this have to do with iPhones and the selling thereof? I’m not quite sure to be honest. Maybe it’s the idea that the iPhone – and the rampant consumption and consumerism that it represents – is somehow at odds with a simple and naturally fulfilling lifestyle. Or maybe someone just needs to invent an iPhone with solar panels on it. The best of both worlds, and all that…

Another victory for the stalkers of Australia with the recent introduction of Google Maps’ Street View feature for Australian roads. If you haven’t wandered over to Google Maps lately and seen ‘Street View’ then it’s a half-hour well spent. The potential uses of this technology are quite astounding – from familiarising yourself with an unknown route, to finding a recognisable meeting place for yourself and a friend, or finding the best way to break into that $3million Toorak mansion.

Public outcry has already erupted over the launch with some street views showing women sunbathing, men picking up prostitutes and a bloke takin’ a slash, but issues of personal freedom, surveillance and general creepiness aside, there’s something pretty cool about searching for your girlfriend’s address and seeing her father checking the letter-box…