As the Britney Spears Circus rolls out of town, heading north for the Sydney leg of the tour, what better time to turn our attention, once again, to the world of popular music.

Well, firstly, the French DJ’s “beat” is so prosaic that it makes the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” (to which he also contributed) seem like a Jim Steinman epic. Secondly, hasn’t the T-Pain vocal effect had its fifteen minutes of fame? And thirdly, well, let me explain.

Akon dutifully informs us that he has made a concerted effort to portray the woman in question with the utmost respect. Namely, “I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful”. Nothing wrong with that, in fact Akon’s noble intentions could arguably pave the way for more respectful treatment of women in the R&B universe in the future. Until you listen to the chorus. “Damn you’s a sexy bitch”, coos Akon, drawing, no doubt, on an extensive understanding of gender studies, feminism and sleaze.

This continued “respect” for women isn’t all that surprising, I mean, you only have to listen to Dr. Dre’s “Bitches Ain’t Shit” to fully understand the reverence for women that exists in certain sectors of the music industry. No, Akon’s treatment of women would be largely unmentionable were it not for his self-proclaimed attempts to escape from the “woman = bitch” discourse. Having said that, he didn’t really try all that hard did he?

To be fair, the song could have been titled “Sexy Whore” but Akon’s feminist leanings so wisely prevented that from eventuating. No, for Akon the word “whore” is reserved only for those who might otherwise be considered attractive in their particular “neighbourhood”, but who, in comparison to the song’s eponymous female, just don’t quite make the grade.

But, despite all of the aforementioned shortcomings, the song is still phenomenally popular. It reached #1 on the singles charts in Australia, Austria, Belgium, France, Germany, New Zealand and the UK and was #1 on the U.S’s Billboard “Hot Dance Club Songs” chart. I honestly can’t explain it. Sure, maybe it’s a club song and its impact is lost of outside of that context but since when does consuming eight Jaeger-bombs while surrounded by 100 other sweaty bodies in a fire-trap night-club allow you to objectively measure the merits of a song…?