Avid readers of this blog would already be familiar with my scepticism when it comes to religious belief but this is not to say that I haven’t tried to understand.

Some years ago I added my name to a particular Church’s distribution list through which I received a plethora of pamphlets detailing the ins-and-outs of a Christian life. I have had detailed discussions with friends about the possibility of the existence of a divine being and attempted to understand the particular religious convictions of the aforementioned friends. I have taken subjects at Uni in order to broaden my understanding of religious history and of various religious persuasions. I have argued with Christian student evangelists at Uni, having been lured from my studies by their desire to hear what I ‘think about God’.

You see, I want to understand what it is that makes people turn to faith. Is it the need to fill a void created by a pointless and fleeting postmodern consumerist existence? A void which can only be filled by appealing to the spirit world? Is it the need for a moral compass by which we can live our lives? Is their faith the result of a religious upbringing, carried on with them into adulthood?

But more than wanting to understand why people believe what they believe, I want to know how to argue with them. Sure, I’m no Dawkins – and a good thing too according to some – but I would like to think that over the years I have learnt a little about what it is that makes people turn their heads skyward, and some of the potential fallacies inherent in the aforementioned action.

I’m not naive. I know that I’m not going to convince anyone to change their mind. People should be free to believe what they wanna believe – freedom of religion and all that. In fact, it’s none of my business what people believe in. Unless it is.

For the best part of a year now a certain family member of mine has been dappling in Mormonism – that is, (s)he has joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Now before (s)he joined I must confess that I knew about as much about the LDS Church as Sarah Palin knows about geography. After a year of casual research into the world of the Prophet I still have a limited understanding, but enough that my ears prick up when I hear talk of the baptism of the dead.

Like most flavours of Christianity the LDS Church professes the need for adherents to be baptised if they want to join the Church. Unlike most flavours of Christianity however, the LDS Church advocates baptisms for the dead.

See the Mormons believe that those who haven’t been fortunate enough to receive the blessing of Christ during their lifetime will be given the opportunity in the next life. But of course in order to enter the afterlife, the Mormon must receive all of the ordinances that a living Mormon would. Including baptism.

And so it is that a member of the Church may be baptised as a proxy for the deceased, conferring onto them the blessing of the Lord Jesus Christ and an opportunity to accept entry into the afterlife.

By now you are probably starting to see the problem. Where a living person would be able to decide whether or not to be baptised, the decision in the case of the deceased is made by the living Church member. It is entirely possible that a deceased person might be baptised contrary to their desires or even contrary to a previous religious bent that they might have had when they were alive. Indeed since the end of World War II the LDS Church has allegedly been responsible for the posthumous baptism of some 380,000 Holocaust victims as well as Hitler himself.

Now I know that the argument goes that the person is free to choose whether or not to accept the baptism, and that it is all done with the person’s best interests at heart, but seriously, what were they thinking? I believe you would call it ‘adding insult to injury’ – I mean, the Holocaust victims only died as a direct result of their specific religious tendencies, but what the hell, why not give them the opportunity to fundamentally realign their spiritual compasses and join the LDS Church? How many Jews do you reckon there were sitting in the spiritual waiting room thinking ‘well, Judaism didn’t really turn out how I had planned, so I might as well give this Mormonism gig a bit of a crack’.

I can tell you now, if I had died as a result of my religious convictions there is no way I would be ‘taking the opportunity’ to convert to another religion. It’s just a little bit of a kick in the guts to the Jewish community.

Anyway I digress. So what does all this have to do with me? Well do you remember how I told you that a member of my family had joined the Church? Well, the Church also professes a strong desire for their followers to delve into the world of genealogy. You know, family trees and all that sort of thing. Well on the surface this might seem like a fairly innocuous request on the part of the Church. As my now-Mormon family member said ‘I am learning stuff about my family that I never knew. My mother was telling me stories about my grandparents that I would never have found out otherwise’. Good for you. Just make sure you don’t tell your parents that the reason you have developed a sudden interest in uncovering stories of long-dead relatives is not entirely due to an insatiable thirst for family history, but rather that it is an attempt to fulfil your duties as a member of the LDS Church. That’s right people, baptism of the dead.

I must admit I felt sick when this particular family member told me with a proud smile that (s)he had baptised some of her/his ancestors into the Church recently. I felt even sicker when (s)he admitted that (s)he hadn’t told her/his parents due to the fact that ‘they wouldn’t understand’. Mhmm. Damn right they wouldn’t. To the best of my knowledge her/his family was devoutly Catholic as well which makes things even worse.

See, if (s)he wants to believe that God’s Word was written on a couple of golden plates and buried in a hill near Joseph Smith’s house, uncovered four years after the aforementioned gentleman was visited by the angel Moroni on September 22, 1823, then that’s fine. If (s)he wants to believe that one shouldn’t read the newspaper on a Sunday in order to ‘keep the Sabbath holy’, then that’s fine. Hell, if (s)he wants to believe that black people are so-coloured as a mark of their wickedness and disobedience (2 Nephi 5:21), then (s)he is free to do so. Just don’t go baptising dead people, especially if they already had a previous religious alignment, and especially if they are part of your family, the other members of which have not been consulted or even told why you have developed a sudden interest in family history.

Let me finish by saying that if the Orthodox Church decided to condemn the practice of baptising the dead way back in the fourth century then it’s fairly clear that you could be doing something a little less morally reprehensible with your time…

Oh boy. Where do we start with this one? So there is this guy, Fred Phelps, who decided to start his own religious organisation; the Westboro Baptist Church. Those of you who are avid Chaser fans might have already heard of these guys, but indulge me as I explain.

The teachings of the WBC focus on the wrath of God and His ultimate and unwavering quest to ‘punish the wicked for their sins in hell for ever’, with the ‘wicked’ seemingly containing a highly improbable percentage of homosexuals.
In fact, as you have probably already observed, the main thrust of Phelps’ doctrine is that ‘God Hates Fags’, a statement lifted almost directly from Leviticus 18:22 in the Old Testament; ‘Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; it is an abomination’. Furthermore, according to Leviticus 20:13 ‘If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads’.

Now I don’t need to go into a whole lot of detail but suffice to say that any organisation that advocates and rejoices in the killing of people based on their sexual preferences has a fair bit of explaining to do. But let’s shift gears for a second…

Christianity, as with most major religions, reserves within its teachings, a special position for scripture, in this case the Holy Bible. The Bible is seen as the word of God – a moral code by which we should structure our behaviour and our lives. Specifically, ‘the law of God is perfect’ (Psalm 19:7) and should be followed accordingly.
Ok, all well and good – so God says that sex before marriage is bad (Hebrews 13:4), so we don’t do it. But what about when God tells us that we should kill our sons if they are stubborn and rebellious (Deuteronomy 21:18) – it’s not so clear-cut is it?
Now I don’t care if you say that it isn’t supposed to be taken literally, this is the word of God and so a good Christian should obey it. If He tells you to kill you son because he is stubborn, then you should do it; just as you didn’t lose your virginity until you got married at 28.
You see, this is a great example of Interpretive Christianity – taking the bits of the Bible that you like while skimming over the rest of the unpleasant stuff. If the law of God is perfect, then any of God’s laws is as valid as the next – what right do you have to pick and choose? If you believe in any of the laws given by God in the Bible then you must believe them all – including the ones that say;

• We must kill those who work on the Sabbath (Exodus 31:15)
• We must kill those who worship other gods (Deuteronomy 17:2-7)
• We must kill those who blaspheme the name of God (Leviticus 24:16)
• We must kill adulterers (Leviticus 20:10), and of course
• We must kill homosexuals (Leviticus 20:13)

I could go on forever but I’m sure the point is clear – either start being consistent in practicing your faith, or get rid of the Bible as a source of authority and/or your faith entirely.

Now for those of you that haven’t picked it up yet, I’m not advocating killing your children, your gay mates or your ‘happily married’ neighbour who is visited every day at 12:30 by the postie for a bit of ‘put the package in the postbox’. I’m merely pointing out the abhorrent implications of Christian religious beliefs practiced in strict and consistent observance of God’s laws. For God’s sake don’t go down that path, the world doesn’t need another Westboro Baptist Church…